Memoir Monday- Old Notebook Inspriation

4:48 PM Posted In Edit This 3 Comments »
I fear change and the unknown in my life. I always have. Even if I was so prepared for the change, I still was scared to make it a reality. I don't handle change well. I create a lot of stress for myself related to the change. I think about it constantly, I cry, my neck and back tense up, I give myself headaches.
I remember the summer before I started University. I cried everyday. I created these terrible situations that I would play over in my head. I was afraid I was not going to do well in University. I was afraid I was not going to make any friends. Coming from a school of 500 people to a single class with 400 people in it was out of my comfort zone. Butterflies in my stomach were present on my first day, but I made it through. I made some great friends in my four years, I graduated with distinction, I became a teacher. While the ride wasn't perfect it was not as horrible as I thought it would be. You would have thought that I would start to believe in the good of change and a new opportunity, but the start of my internship the fear came back.
Internship was the make it or break it point in my road to becoming a teacher. It was the first time I had lived away from home and I was afraid to leave my security blanket of Aberdeen and my family and friends. I did not feel confident enough in myself as a teacher. But again I was proven wrong. I was welcomed with open arms into my new town and school and I found my place as a teacher very quickly and I impressed many people around me. Internship was a success.
Now I am done school with a degree on my wall. My fear of not finding a job for the fall has come true as school starts this week. I spent my summer stressing about it, and that didn't get me anywhere. I am on a couple sub lists and I should be getting phone calls sooner then later to start subbing. Justin tells me "Let time take its course- everything will work out in the end". I look back on all the changes and opportunities that I was afraid of and I see that things do really work out in the end. Sometimes they even work out better. I am trying to change myself and see that change is a good thing, change brings challenges that make you a better person.


Rick Glass said...

Thanks for your post. I remember similar fears and butterflies. I remember sacrificing everything with no guarantees. My heart is with you. I wish you well.


debrennersmith said...

Change is hard. Finding a teaching job is hard. It took me 364 days to find one. It was really hard on me too. I wish you well.

snowflakes said...

Thank you for your thoughts and well wishes.