Snowflakes

Winter Memories

The past few winters have been cold but there has not been much snow. When I was younger I remember walls and mountains of snow. Some mornings the snow would be drifted up our front door so high I wondered if we were ever going to get out of our house.

In school we would create these HUGE snow forts and houses. The one game I remember that we would play was "star trek". We made this space ship that had a bunch of different rooms and we even had one of those "beam" machines. If the teachers would have let us we would have stayed out and played in the snow all day.

I can't remember why but the one year they piled all the snow from the streets behind the school and they created this huge hill that went the whole length of the football field. It was the perfect hill for a snowball fight war. Of course it was frowned upon to throw snowballs---for good reason, they really hurt. But one day when the snow was not so icy Mr. Proznick joined in our snowball fight.

I have always wanted to write a story about there being a snowstorm at school and everyone gets trapped in the school for a weekend and what chaos would happen!! Maybe I'll still write it.

I grew up in a house with a flat roof which is very unpractical for the winter. The snow would pile and pile and get very heavy and sometimes it would cause our ceiling to dip and leak, so every winter a couple times a year we have to climb on the roof of the house and shovel the snow off of it. A couple winters ago my mom, my brother and I were on the roof shoveling snow and instead of using the ladder Adam and I jumped off the roof into our front lawn of fluff. We sunk right to the grass but it was awesome.

The snow lightly falls tonight and I think about all the good memories of snow and I can't wait to make more!!

really try and focus on the season of Christmas!

Today I hope to get my album put together and ready for December 1st!

Driving in my car today to and from school I had this song blaring on my car stereo singing along.

It is interesting to be on the other side of the desk now as the teacher--I was in high school just a short 41/2 years ago. I see myself in those girls--awkward, scared, falling in love....

Today and lately I have been feeling like that fifteen year old girl who I thought I left behind. I have been taking lots of deep breaths and walking into something new. The tears fall too much like they did back then, my head is spinning with too many emotions.

But I made it through that fifteen and I know I can make it through this one. It's just hard trying to figure out who you are going to be....

Last night was my stagette, today I just want to sleep. It was a fun low-key night filled with lots of food, drinks, and girls being girls.

49 more days until Justin and I are married....still a lot to do!!

The food

















I can't thank everyone enough for coming out to my shower. So many ladies from the community and all the beautiful gifts---it was just amazing.
I am not one to be the center of attention so I had butterflies, and I cried when I said my thank you because I was just so overwhelmed and filled with joy and gratitude from everyone.
I have to find a way to put kleenex in my bouquet for the wedding day because there will be tears!!

More posts and photos of the upcoming day....so excited to spend the rest of my life with Justin.

I worked my butt off to catch up on my scrapbooking porjects today---I got my Scrap Your Day project caught up.
I really enjoy this project because it allows me to document the everyday, the little things in my life that make me me and its going to be a great keepsake to look at in a few years and see how I lived my life at 22. I would love to do this project again in a few years with a teaching job, married life, a kid or 2 and compare how I live my life.
For now here is my September and October 25ths.

I know what makes me comfortable
And I know what makes me tick
And I when I need to get my way
I know how to pour it on thick

Cream and sugar in my coffee
Right away when I awake I face the day,
and pray to God I won’t make the same mistakes
All the rest is out of my hands
I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, yeah I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can Yeah

I don’t know my father Or my mother well enough
It seems like every time we talk
We can’t get passed the little stuff
The pain is self-inflicted
I know it’s not good for my health
But it’s easier to please the world
Then it is to please myself
All the rest is out of my hands

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, yeah I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

Well I know I can’t care about how everyone else really feels
I have enough hurt of my own to heal

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, yeah I will change
Whatever I,
whenever
I can

Laying in bed tonight me writing Justin reading the room is quiet except for pen scratches the turning of pages and the odd house sound. I enjoy the silence but it is broken tonight and past nights this week by the sounds of sirens- that sound always makes my heart skip a beat.
We hear them over and over tonight I hope everything is okay.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

 

"Ticket number 57602"
We had that ticket on our table in front of us, Justin ripped it off and went up to the stage to collect our prize.
A few tickets later "57605"
We also had that ticket on our table and Justin went to collect our second raffle prize.
"Number 576508"
Again we had that number and Justin went up to get our third prize.

"Wow that table must have some horseshoes" the announcer for the prizes said.

We were pretty lucky tonight---maybe we should buy a lottery ticket?

 

I have memories stored away in photographs, in the back of my mind and in the box of notebooks in a box in the closet, some of those memories haunt me, some make me laugh and others make me cry or smile. The one thing I'm positive about is that I am glad I took so many pictures and wrote down the moments in my life that mattered.

I remember my first notebook/journal. It was a blue doutang with loose leaf paper in it. I hid it in between the mattress on my bed. I wrote about the boys I had crushes on and the teachers who I liked and the teachers who I hated. I wrote about the fights I had with my parents and my friends. It documented my life in a time when NOTHING made any sense. I tried to make sense of my world by writing it down, asking questions. Not until now that I re read that faded, tattered doutang do I understand why that world was so hard.

10 years later I still keep a journal/notebook with pretty covers, and I continue to write about my relationships, family, friends. I document my life now as an adult, as a  teacher, and soon to be wife. They will go into that box when I am finished and will be a place I can go to and look back at this part of my life.

I've been thinking a lot about being a writer. I have always had this calling to be a writer, but thinking back I remember more of the hurt and the criticism that comes with being a writer then the good. A poem of mine ripped apart by someone I loved, my personal thoughts read and used against me were just a couple of the hard times I went through as a writer. It is still hard to always be honest and truthful and to share my life, my stories, my words with everyone/anyone.
Writing has also helped me to say this things that wouldn't come out of my mouth, to help me express my thoughts and feelings and to help me become the person I am today.

I lost my words for a while, they are coming back to me in strange ways, I welcome them back into my life and hope to be sharing more with you soon. Writing is a part of my past, present and future.

Pay it forward

Babysitting was a challenge as he got into everything including the cupboards. While I was getting upset with him I found that he was trying to teach me to relax, have fun and EXPLORE!